Trailer Park Karma

Hatin' On Turkey

I'm not a turkey fan. I was just having a conversation yesterday with The Editor about it. See, we're going to his mom's for Thanksgiving, and she's concerned that I'll be disappointed that we're not having the traditional turkey-centered spread. 

Now, before you get to thinkin' that it's a Buddhist or vegetarian thing, it's not. I am a completely conflicted meat-eater, which is to say that I'll eat and even enjoy meat immensely, but the whole time I'm doing it there's part of my brain that's knock-knocking on my heart and waggin' a finger.

No, I just really, seriously have never understood what people see in turkey as a dish. Even as a kid -- I heard the clamoring, both in my family and among friends and, of course, on TV, radio, billboards, magazines... And I always thought maybe one day, I'd finally get the magic. Turkey Magic. My eyes and heart would open wide, the clouds would part, my mind would expand blissfully up and out, and the rest of my miserable un-turkey-fied life would be nothing more than history blowing in the wind.

Yeah. Didn't happen.
I'm serious -- give me a super juicy burger even over turkey any day. And you can ask my kid, I'm not that big a burger fan.
I just.don't.get.turkey.

So -- here's what's better: gumbo. 
That's right. Gumbo for Thanksgiving. There is NOTHING on this revolving rock better than seafood. Nothing. 

And you know what's even better? Easy Trailer Park versions of gumbo. Sure, you can get all cerebral with your roux experiments, but me, I'd just rather spend less time cooking it and more time eating it. I'm not in this for the applause. 

I present to you, from the kitchen of one of the most expedient cooks in The Republic -- my Momma -- Polly's Rouxless Gulf Coast Gumbo. She dictated it to my dad, Dave, just for this very blog. 

And if you're still struck by traditional stuffing-love (or it just doesn't feel like a holiday to you until your feet are swollen from standing in the kitchen), but you want something more in line with my seafood idea, Sister Martha has graciously released to public (RIGHT HERE!!) her very own Corn Bread & Rice (& Oyster) Stuffing recipe. It. Is. The. Best.

By the way, I think it's funny that neither my mom nor Sister Martha specified how to cook the finished product (so I added those bits). I think that's a family-cook thing; I bet you can relate. It's all in the ingredients. Then you cook it. You just cook it.
 
(And sorry - no pictures yet. What -- it's gotta look good? It's gumbo and oysters. Need I say more?)

Polly's Rouxless Gulf Coast Gumbo

[Note: You can make a boat-load of this stuff to feed your minions in about half an hour prep time. Start with a big pot -- cook it all in there. If you've never cooked seafood -- shrimp are 'done' when they're no longer transparent-ish.]

1 large yellow onion, diced.  
4 stems celery, diced.  
1/2 lb bacon, diced. 

Saute above until bacon is cooked.
 
Add 2 cans of diced tomatoes, stir. 

Add 2 cans mushroom soup, stir. 

Defrost one box of frozen sliced okra, rinse well, stir in. 

Shell and clean shrimp, the more the merrier (1 to 5 lbs) & add to pot.
 
Season with salt, cayenne pepper, and gumbo filet until it tastes good. 

[This is me: Simmer on low at least til the shrimp are done, longer if you have time so the flavors can get all in there. I once left a giant pot of this on low for hours during a party. It just got better and better.]


Lynn's (That's Sister Martha's Real Name) Corn Bread & Rice Stuffing (& Oyster) Stuffing

[Note: If you're into skipping turkey like me, you can buy pre-plucked-and-packaged giblets at the store. Beyond that skip-it trick, this recipe is so involved it just might render that good ol'time, swollen feet feelin' of cooking all day for a crowd. But it's worth it.]

Makes about 12 cups of stuffing

Corn Bread for Stuffing

1 ½ cups yellow corn meal
1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
1 ½ cups skim milk
2 eggs
¼ cup butter/margarine, melted 

Stuffing

4 cups water
Turkey giblets
¾ cup diced celery (about 1 ½ ribs)
1 carrot, peeled and sliced
1 small onion, peeled and sliced
Salt to taste
Freshly ground black pepper to taste
2 cups thinly sliced celery (about 4 ribs)
2 cups chopped onion (2 large)
½ pound mushrooms, sliced
3 tablespoons butter/margarine
1 cup long grain rice, brown or white
Water
Reserved corn bread cubes
2 cups cubed stale whole wheat bread 
1 cup chopped pecans
1 teaspoon thyme leaves
1 teaspoon sage
1 teaspoon tarragon, crumbled
Salt, to taste
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste

TO PREPARE THE CORNBREAD

1. Preheat the oven to 425 F.

2. In a large bowl, combine the corn meal, flour, baking powder, and salt.  Set the bowl aside.

3. In a small bowl, combine the milk, eggs, and butter or margarine.  Add the ingredients of the small bowl to the flour mixture, and beat the batter with an eggbeater for about 1 minute or until the batter is smooth.  Pour the batter into a greased 9 X 13-inch cake pan.

4. Put the pan in the hot oven, and bake the bread for about 25 minutes or until it turns golden brown.  Take the pan out of the oven, cool the bread, cut it into ½-inch cubes, and set it aside.

TO PREPARE THE STUFFING

1. While the corn bread bakes, in a medium-sized saucepan, combine the water, giblets, the ¾ cup of diced celery, carrot, the small onion, salt and pepper.  Bring the mixture to a boil, reduce the heat, cover the pan, and simmer the giblets for 20 to 30 minutes or until they are tender.  Remove the cooked giblets from the pan, strain the broth into a measuring cup, and reserve both the giblets and the broth.  Remove the cooked flesh from the turkey neck, discarding the skin, chop the reserved giblets, and set them aside.

2. In a large saucepan or skillet, preferably one with a nonstick surface, sauté the 2 cups of celery, the 2 cups of onion, and the mushrooms in the butter/margarine until the onions are just soft.  Stir in the rice, and brown it lightly, stirring it constantly.  Add the reserved giblet broth and enough water to measure 3 cups.  Bring the liquid to a boil, reduce the heat, cover the pan, and simmer the rice for 15 minutes.

3. In a large bowl, combine the rice-vegetable mixture with the reserved chopped giblets, the reserved corn bread, cubed whole-wheat bread, pecans, sage, thyme, tarragon, salt, and pepper.  Mix the ingredients to combine thoroughly.

Everything can be made in advance, except for adding the oysters.  Just stir them in with their liquor right before baking the dressing.

For the Oyster part, I added one pint of oysters with the liquor to about a quarter of the dressing I made.  So, I guess to make the whole thing with oysters you'd have to add 4 pints.

[This is me again: You can bake stuffing/dressing in or out of the bird. In our family, there was always 'plain' stuffing in the turkey and oyster stuffing baked on its own, in a buttered dish at about 375 degrees for an hour. Not everyone likes oyster-flavored turkey, apparently.]

Just Like My Swedish Grandma. Sorta.

[I may have gotten over my 25-year aversion to cooking in general, but that baking thing... I still turn up my nose. Both my grandmothers were into it and certainly around the holidays, but my mom didn't pick up the baking habit. So I guess it makes sense I didn't either. Doesn't explain Sister Martha, of course, who can scratch-bake circles around anyone... 

Anyway -- I was sent these recipes back in October. The thing I find appealing about the possibility that I may think about baking these cookies that are just like my Swedish grandma's is the one-batch-o-dough idea. Whenever I'd look at the table covered in cookies from her parents' homeland recipes, I was amazed at the sheer quantity. And she worked for a living, full-time. How the hell she made all those cookies is a mystery to me. 

So have at it. If you cook up all of these, you'll be livin' part of my childhood. And if you manage to make 'em all while working 40-hour weeks at the VA Hospital, I wanna hear about it. I may join you. Might not. But I'll be stirrin' up the glogg with a cheap bottle o' red, for sure.]

A Scandinavian Christmas Cookie Smorgasbord 

While the aroma of freshly baked cookies can be intoxicating, many of us don’t have time to spend hours in the kitchen baking up batches of cookies. Kristina Vanni has provided a method to create dozens of beautiful Scandinavian cookies using one simple dough!  This dough can even be made several days ahead of time and ready to form and bake when you are.  Kristina has provided six cookie variations you can easily create from this one dough. The simplicity and efficiency of these recipes epitomize the Scandinavian ingenuity and style. 

Dough: 
Makes six cookie variations (see below) 

1-1/2 cups (3 sticks) softened unsalted butter

3/4 cup white granulated sugar

1 egg plus 1 egg yolk (reserve white)

1 Tablespoon milk

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon salt

4-1/2 cups all-purpose flour 

Beat butter and sugar in large mixer bowl on medium speed until well combined.  Beat in egg, egg yolk, milk, vanilla, and salt until blended.  Add flour gradually to make the dough stiff.  Shape dough into a ball and then divide into 6 equal pieces.  Wrap each in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour.  (Dough can be made several days ahead, if desired. Let warm up on the countertop until pliable).

 Heat oven to 350 degrees.  All cookies variations are baked at this temperature.  Line cookie sheets with parchment paper- (this is important to do).  Follow directions for each cookie, using one reserved dough ball for each type.  All of these cookies freeze well.  Place in single layers separated by pieces of wax paper in cookie tins or other freezer containers.  

1)  Walnut Crescents:  To the first dough ball to make crescents, mix in 1/4 cup chopped walnuts.  Form into 18 small ropes (about 1-1/2" to 2") and curve to form a crescent shape. Place on cookie sheet and bake for 10 minutes.  Remove, cool slightly and then gently roll each warm cookie in powdered sugar.  Makes 1 ½ dozen. 

2)  Almond Cookies:  To second dough ball, mix in 1/3 cup coconut.  Form into 18 small balls and place on cookie sheet.  Press one whole blanched almond into cookie.  Bake for 10 minutes.  Makes 1 ½ dozen. 

3)  Blueberry Thumbprints:  For third dough ball, form dough into 12 round balls. Dip the tops of each ball into coarse pearl sugar and place on cookie sheet.  Press finger or thumb into center of cookie to make a hole. Fill hole with blueberry jam.  Bake for 10 minutes.  Makes 1 dozen. 

4)  Lingonberry Logs:  For fourth dough ball, divide dough in half and make each piece into a 7-inch log.  Place logs on baking sheet.  Make a long indentation down the center of each log, but leaving an edge on the ends.  Fill the indentation with lingonberry or raspberry jam.  Bake for 15 minutes.  Remove from oven and let logs sit on baking sheet for 1-2 minutes, then carefully slide onto a work surface; let logs cool for exactly 10 minutes.  Meanwhile, stir together 1/4 cup powdered sugar, 3/4 teaspoon water, and 1/2 teaspoon almond extract.  Drizzle each log with this mixture.  Immediately slice cookies diagonally to make 9 slices each log.  Makes 1 ½  dozen. 

5)  Cardamom Scrolls:  For the fifth dough ball, shape dough into 12 ropes, each about 5" long.  Brush each rope all over with the reserved egg white from making the dough, beaten until slightly foamy.  In a small dish, stir together 2 Tablespoons granulated sugar, 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon, and 1/4 teaspoon cardamom; transfer to a small plate. Roll the egg white-coated ropes in the sugar mixture to coat thoroughly.  Place on cookie sheet and shape each rope into an "S" shape, then coil each end of the "S" in opposite direction so each end looks sort of like a cinnamon roll (see photo of cookie).   Bake for 10 minutes.  Makes 1 dozen. 

6)  Orange-Anise Cookies:  For the sixth and last dough ball, place the dough on the lined cookie sheet.  Roll dough into a rectangle, 12-inches by 3-inches.  Score the dough with a knife lengthwise down the middle, then each side into 12 small rectangles, making 24 pieces.  Bake for 12-15 minutes or until lightly golden.  Remove and let sit for a few minutes and then use a sharp knife to cut pieces following the scored areas and separating them to cool.  Meanwhile, in a small skillet, heat 1/3 cup orange marmalade with 1 teaspoon butter over medium heat until just starting to bubble.  Remove from heat and stir in 1/8 teaspoon anise extract; let cool.  Spoon a small amount of mixture onto each cookie and let set.  Makes 1 dozen.  

To accompany these delicious cookies, treat yourself and your guests to a cup of Glogg. Kristina has provided two versions:  one that can be served to children without alcohol, and one just for adults made with red wine.  Warming glogg on the stove will fill your home with the aroma of the holidays.  It is also a budget friendly party beverage because it is a way to dress up an inexpensive bottle of wine! 

Orange-Cinnamon Glogg
Serves 6-8 

2 cups orange juice

1/4 cup packed light brown sugar

1 teaspoon ground cardamom

1 (3-inch) cinnamon stick

2 cups white grape juice 

Place orange juice, brown sugar, ground cardamom, and cinnamon stick in a saucepan over medium-low heat.  Slowly bring to a boil, stirring occasionally.  Add the grape juice and heat just until hot; do not boil.  Remove cinnamon stick and ladle into cups.  

This warm and spicy glogg is for those who prefer a non-alcoholic alternative, or it is wonderful for a festive drink for kids.  Drink can be served with a cinnamon stick in each glass, if desired. 

Spiced Scandinavian Cranberry Glogg
Makes 6 servings 

1-1/2 cups Pomegranate-Cranberry juice, or all cranberry juice

1/2 cup granulated sugar

5 whole cloves

1 (3-inch) cinnamon stick

4 Chai tea bags

1 (28 ounce) bottle dry red wine 

At least several hours or several days in advance, combine juice, sugar, cloves, and cinnamon stick in a saucepan.  Bring to a boil and remove from heat.  Add tea bags to pan, cover, and let sit until cool.  Remove tea bags and pour mixture into a covered container until ready to use.  When ready to serve glogg, pour the red wine into a saucepan and strain juice mixture into wine.  Heat until just hot; do not boil.  Serve hot.  

This glogg recipe is convenient for holiday enjoyment since the juice base can be made days in advance, and the chai tea bags add a wonderful spicy essence without having to use many kinds of spices. 

Recipes copyright Kristina Vanni www.kristinavanni.com

Speaking of It's Just Me: Picture Me in Hip Attire

It's damned tough getting older, for too many reasons to list. But for a lot of us, the Looks Going South Department is one touchy subject. 

Take the other night, for instance. The Editor and I set out on a spontaneous All Saints’ Day evening field trip. He wanted to visit a local cemetery. I wanted to procure a meds refill for my kid. I was feeling impulsive -- my newly decaffeinated mind had just imbibed one whole cup of Balinese java. All bets were off for this adventure.

The first pharmacy was out of the meds, so we headed to the all-nighter, which is in a neighborhood we don't venture into much. Crazy busy, that drug store! Later on, we decided that they're just plain crazy. Long story short, The Editor and I read English differently than the head pharmacist. It took a conversation between him, his staff, and staff at another branch of their own company to get the prescription filled. We waited at the cemetery. All in all, an exciting night.

Thing is, I'm pretty convinced that the trouble the pharmacy counter staff gave us was due, at least partly, to my attire. I was dressed in... oh... an outfit that screamed Used To Be Middle Class Now Bag Lady. Remember, I said this was a spontaneous foray. The Editor commented that I didn't really have a thing for matching clothing. I pointed out that my day-glo orange anklets perfectly matched part of the artwork on my shirt. At any rate, clothing that flies in the barrio of Swamp City is far different than what you can get away with in The Bubble, and I'm mighty glad of that. 

I just can't hack the Middle-Aged Mom wear. I've always been a comfort hog, and I don't spend much time and effort toward lookin' better. Turns out at my age that that only works if you're trying to impress the folks livin' under the bridge.
 
I have friends who are young enough to be my kids. Bless their hearts, when I start whining about how bad I look, they come forward with the sweetest comments. They're excellent liars. Yeah, yeah, I'm still okay with my appearance, but believe me, it's different than it was -- and I know it's different than it will be. So I try not to get too hung up on it, but c'mon -- in this world? We're all inundated with images to emulate. I may be Buddhist, but even more than that, I'm human. Who the heck doesn't want to be smashingly gorgeous?

So anyway, in between slogging through e-mails telling me how to be fantastic and offering to let me try out and tell you about these awesome products that will make me feel like a zillion bucks and look that way, too -- I stumbled on to Buddhaful. It's a newish grassroots company from America's own Middle Earth (Seattle) that's swirling around the globe creating art, music, and fashion. 
I glanced through their stuff thinking the thoughts that I usually think lately when it comes to clothes: way cool, but who the heck wants to see a 50-year-old in groovy gear? I'm thinking my preteen would puke (but then, there's hardly a thing I can do lately that doesn't make The Boy cry out "MOM!!" with a look of utter disgust...). I mean, I was rather hippie-ish in my day, yes. A little young to be a bona fide hippie, never mind being raised in The Republic instead of Haight-Ashbury, but I did a pretty good rendition.

On a lark, I asked Buddhaful if they'd be so kind... figurin' I'd never hear back. Just as well. I'm fine, trudgin' through Swamp City in my decades-old thrift store wear. Nothing to see here...
Look what those nice people at Buddhaful sent me:

It's très groovy, and of course, I totally dig the meaning of the design. Even better -- the material it's made from! Feels like a soft embrace and makes even the crankiest, decaffeinated middle-aged mama feel... sexy. Now the only question is where to wear it. I'm saving it for someplace special.

Moral of the story: Remember when you're trying to pigeonhole a bag lady, she might just have an Isis hidden inside that you're not seein'. In other words, looks not only can be but are deceiving.

Speaking of It's Just Me: Understanding the Bully

[Funny coincidence -- at the same time I was writing It's Recipes! It's Buddhist Guideposts! It's Stories! No! It's... Just Me, I got an email from The Leadership Lady (not to be confused with the church lady), telling me about her new book which is, interestingly, about bullies. Stuff about bullies is everywhere now, isn't it? It's a hot topic (which only leads me to my firm stance about marketing being God, but I digress...) But I was downright taken by how Charisse Rudolph addresses the whole "bully" thing, so I invited her to write a guest post here at the Trailer Park. Contrary to what some might think, I'm not trying to be cryptic. I'm just lazy about categorizing myself. Read Charisse's take and let me know if any stories come to you from the connections.]

Understanding the Bully

By Charisse J. Rudolph

I believe that there is no good and bad; life just is. We all came to earth to play roles for each other – even with bullying. The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander are three roles, with each learning to deal with the consequences of their actions. 

In today’s world, however – especially with the advent of cyberspace – too many things interfere with an individual’s ability to experience consequences. 

Consider the bully. 

The word “bully” is a label that sugarcoats a person being aggressive or abusive to another. A bully is a person who doesn’t have the skills to communicate, and he or she has something going on inside them that needs to be expressed. It may be anger or frustration or a feeling of being threatened and may have nothing to do with the situation at hand. But no matter what the cause, becoming a bully is a non-productive response that only makes a difficulty escalate. A vicious circle.

Most of what we read and talk about is being bullied. What do parents do when their child is the bully? 

A common reaction is, “I don’t know why he’s like that. We didn’t raise him that way.” 

Did you?

As a parent, relative or caregiver, it’s up to you to find out what else is going on in this child’s life that she is uncomfortable with. She wasn’t born a bully; she has become this way in reaction to something. The child needs to feel love and support, and to feel that it’s safe to talk about whatever she is holding inside. If you ask your child why he’s acting a certain way and then simply get angry and pass judgment, you will not get the information you need to improve his behavior. 

The only reason to ask “why?” is so you can support your child in becoming the person he or she wants to be. 

Another thing you can do – and this is even harder – is take an objective look at your own style. What do you do when things go wrong in your life? 

I want to share something I learned from Barbara DeAngelis a long time ago. Think of your family as water tanks all hooked together with a water pipe running from one to the other, each tank holding an adequate amount of water. When one of you has a challenge you’re not dealing with directly, the water in your tank begins to boil. Since the pressure that builds up in the tank has nowhere else to go, it bubbles into the next tank until it can’t hold any more; when that tank is full, the pressure flows into the next tank in line, and so on down the line until the pressure is released. Meanwhile, everyone is feeling the stress and strain, but doesn’t exactly know why or what to do. 

What happens? Someone decides to go for a run, or overeat, or do yoga, or kick the dog, or yell at the person next to them, or break a plate, or take a bubble bath … or bully someone. 

So what do you do when you can’t pay a bill, your boss cuts your hours or you have a fight with your spouse? Where might that pressure be going?

And remember, your child’s challenges – with fitting in at school, keeping up with homework, keeping friends, etc. – are just as challenging and important to him or her as your own are to you. So consider: Is he handling his challenges in the same way you are?

Charisse Rudolph is a nationally known speaker on how to learn strategies to succeed and be happy. Her new book is Words Hit Hard as a Fist, With 18 Tips on How to STOP being Bullied. Meet Charisse at www.theleadershiplady.com 

It's Recipes! It's Buddhist Guideposts! It's Stories! No! It's... Just Me

Writing this blog has been a great exercise in watching people watch me. I know that the title, Trailer Park Karma, is both intriguing and confusing to some -- and I swear that ain't on purpose. But beyond that basic seemingly conundrumical (how'd ya like that word?!) starting point, this blog has brought clarity for me on this human trait: We badly crave clarity.

Yes, I know I'm projecting. I'm clear about that. But to paraphrase an old one, just because I'm projecting my insides doesn't mean you ain't lookin' like this, too.

Some folks who read this blog want very badly to pigeonhole it. I get it. Life, especially on the Internet (which any more for most people seems to be right smack in your palm, which is a pretty indispensable part of your body, so I figure you're looking at it most of your waking hours...), is overwhelming. Classifying and categorizing are mind games we play with ourselves to simplify the constant buzz coming at us. We really want to be able to say "That band plays XYZ music, and she's usually in XYZ type movies." Or "That blog's about XYZ."

Some of us are so dependent on sticking life's components in organized boxes that we wind up spending a lot more time and energy being afraid that we haven't categorized things just right. In the end, all of those things that we're frantic about organizing? They're happening anyway. Or not. We're barely even really here.

The sad thing is when we start doing that not only to events and tasks and activities but also to complex, sentient beings. Like people.
 
It's sad because it can't be accomplished. You can try and try. You can spend an entire lifetime of energy on honing in on people, narrowing the field they're in in your mind, trying "to understand" them, often so you can relate one way or another. Then they up and surprise you.
 
Why are we surprised at all when all any human (or other animal) is is a compound, moving experience?

I've been confused by plenty of folks. I've come to the end of my rope with trying to grasp why some of them do what they do. I've hung in there long with some and dissed some early in the knowing. The longer my life goes on, the more readily it dawns on me again and again that I cannot reasonably and sanely box up people.

So, back to this blog and people who read it. I watch the numbers, ya know. Some of you want me to publish more recipes. Some of you want me to publish more meandering thoughts. Some of you want more stories. Some only want my original, personal thoughts, while others want to see guest bloggers. More Buddhism. More trailerpark-ishness. 

It's been amusing and sometimes perplexing to hear people's theories on things like why I moved to The Sticks, why I moved back to Swamp City, why I discuss this or that topic in blogposts, why, why, why, why. It's how we "understand" these complex things called people, by making up stories that somehow bring ease to our foggy notions. Since the stories we create are mostly informed by our own ever-changing internal states, they're mostly just plain, old opinion.

Thing is, I don't dispute anyone's opinions. Well, not publicly anyway. 

Like we've all heard, you can't make everybody happy. Sometimes you can't make anybody happy. Just being yourself, you can do.