Awww... Labeling Love

Way back when The Editor and I were thick in the steam of our new relationship, we connected via Internet. A LOT. He was up in NYC, I was down in Swamp City, and it was all we could do at that point to keep from hopping on planes to grope each other in person. Well, we actually did that twice. But mostly we did it on the Internet -- just like a lotta you do.

At some point, we went through what's become a relationship rite of passage: How To Define Us On Facebook.

Our choices at the time were:  
Single (technically true) 
Divorced (quite true) 
Engaged (what a ridiculous status) 
Married (nope, nope, double-nope) 
Widowed/Separated/Divorced (why???)
In a Relationship (with either a mysterious No-Name partner or One For All The Facebook World to See)

and the ever-popular

It's Complicated

That whole "open relationship" thing didn't come around until later.

We started out In a Relationship. But I was -- if my memory is correct -- in a relationship with him, while he was in a relationship with No Name. Then things got, well, interesting, what with him up there and me down here, so I changed mine to It's Complicated. Lots of you know from your own Facebook fun what happened next: The Editor simply then became unrelated to the world by choosing no connection status. [The Editor's note: hmm.. your recollection is slightly different than mine...  but that's ok.]

Sigh... those were tough times. But look what we came up with in one of our hours-long IM chats -- Facebook Statuses That Should Be!

Pretty sure similar lists have been written, but here's what we think are more targeted ways to refer to couplings. Instead of those boring, often-inaccurate labels, you could be... :

(please insert appropriate preposition -- with, at, on, in, etc -- when necessary)

in love

in like like

having sex frequently/occasionally

insanely plotting with/against

deeply enthralled 

juggling schedules 

butting heads 

mind melding 

swapping spit 

parsimoniously interacting 

getting wasted 

pawing

drunk on the pheromones of 

beating and bruising 

beating the backside of 

taking one in the backside for 

ever so fond of 

lying in wait for 

knowing X in the Biblical sense

carnally knowing 

searching for my parents 

vindictively spying on 

open to suggestions from 

healing family of origin baggage 

wishing for better from 

not believing I'm still involved  

biting the ankles of 

sucking the toes of

slipping in the bodily fluids of 

cleaning up stray hairs of 

searching for the earwax of 

making voodoo dolls of 

patting X's head

being coddled by 

boiling the blood of 

in a mutual admiration society of/with

boiling the bunny of 

finishing X's sentences

violating X's restraining order

disobeying 

obeying 

discovering the universe of 

doing X's sister/s

doing X's mother

doing X's brother

doing X's goat

doing X's pumpkin

trying hard to please 

trying to get out from under 

trying to get under 

trying to get one over on 

tweaking the nipples of 

using clothespins on the body parts of

dancing with 

riding waves with 

drowning in a sea of X's shit

drowning in a sea of X's ex's shit

wishing X was Y

wishing X was anyone other than who X is

trying to fix X

trying to break X

trying to quell X's fury

hiding under a bush until X calms down

raining on X's parades

peeing on X's leg

publishing X's life story

confused by X

reflecting X

Happy Valentine's Day, y'all!

Comments

[Pamela]

I've always thought that Facebook could simplify it with only TWO statuses- Married or Single....period. Divorced, Widowed, In A Relationship, Engaged or Single are all Single. Separated or Married are Married. It's Complicated- STILL either Single or Married. Makes it MUCH easier! =)

[Chris]

With that list, relationship statuses would be changing about as often as the "what's happening" status.

I do approve of the list items though...much more honest and appropriate.

[Tracy Morris]

Pamela -- and we could tease it out even more to the point of questioning the difference between Single and Married. :) And then, to whether there's a demarcation between You and Me! heehee

Chris -- wouldn't it be fun to try and keep up with our"selves and ours" that way? Maybe using those little fridge magnets?!