How to Eat When the Chips Are Down (or Gone)

Most of us here – even in The Park – know what we're supposed to eat, how to prepare and eat it, when to eat it, even where to buy it. But sometimes, life turns out to be different than what your mama hoped for you. You still have to eat.

Here are a few tested survival tips, known by residents here at The Park and college students alike, on how to eat when the cupboards are bare:
 
Skip breakfast.  Sure, it's all kinda wrong – your poor bod's been starving for eight hours (or at least four, if you stayed up doing Beer 'n Laundry) and everyone says that Breakfast Is The Most Important Meal of The Day. But I bet you can push that 7 AM cereal bowl to 10 or even 11 AM if you try. And –  voila! – you've just had brunch and you're good 'til late afternoon!

Eat cereal.  Speakin of that bowl o' brunch, cereal is fortified enough anymore to pretty much make a complete meal all by itself. Enjoy it often, for every meal even, preferably with milk.

Eat popcorn.  Might not be able to afford the nuke-able kind (heck, maybe you sold your microwave – like Loydene used to say about her appliances, “WalMart'll take anything back in any condition. They're like money in the bank!”), but you might be able to squeeze out a buck for a bag of the old fashioned variety. Cook it on the stove in a skillet with a tablespoon of oil and a tight fitting lid, medium heat. Fills you up just before bed, so you can make it through to that late-morning cereal brunch.

Drink more water.  You never drink enough of it anyway, so you may as well use this time o' wantin to create a healthier habit. It'll fill you up and flush you out. Remember – you'll die of dehydration long before keeling over due to starvation.

Drink more coffee.  Sure, this contraindicates virtually every healthnut reference on the Internet and cable TV, but do it anyway. It curbs your appetite like crazy. It's crazy-cheap, too, given the other things you like to drink. Of course, with all that upped water intake, you better be sure to have plenty of bathroom supplies.

Smoke'em if you got 'em.  Along similar lines as the caffeine, nicotine's an awesome appetite fixative. I'll not recommend that non-smokers start puffin' (I know I won't) but if you're already strung out on cancer sticks and can manage to tolerate those really cheap versions, or if you have some other regular source from which to borrow those little Boxes of Death, do it. Your lungs may suffer, but your stomach may forget to grumble.

Eat what others won't.  Know anyone who dislikes sandwich fixin's? Get them to agree to put aside the stuff they can't stand, like lettuce and tomatoes on fast food burgers, and there ya go: salad for you. Back in the day, even I was loathe to ingest food that was pre-nibbled by my own little one. When times are tough, a quick dinner-table reminder to my 10-year-old to “use a fork, don't spit it out” is all that's necessary for me to secure seconds.

(and here's more pretty painted floor to distract you... the painter is for hire, btw...)

Comments

[Maxine]

Me n Lloyd score real good dumpster diving (but I'm not tellin ya where 'cause ya *never* give up a good source). Grocery stores are the best 'cause when they damage the case they throw out the whole darn thing. Iffn yur not picky closing time behind fast food joint ain't bad neither.

[Chris J]

Growing up back home in Bloomington there used to be a guy with a pickup loaded full of foods, past expiration date but still edible, rescued from the dumpster. We'd get bread and honeybuns and every so often some veggies (if memory serves correctly) for super cheap if anything at all.

[trailer park bodhisattva]

Expiration dates are for weenies. Not wienies.